I stumbled across some reading material recently, a piece of fiction in fact that I'd written myself, back in 2008 that was full to the brim with suspense, melodrama, dramatic quotes and ironic humour.
It was my birth plan.
Reading through it, I didn't know whether to squirm with naive embarrassment or laugh at the irony of how it turned out as opposed to how whimsical and spiritual I'd envisaged the whole process to be.
Which is why, when asked at a recent midwife appointment if I had my birth plan in order, I had to stifle a snide giggle.
Certainly there is as much debate that rages about this (somewhat sensitive!) topic as there is time spent pacing the floor trying to soothe a newborn to sleep, and like anything, opinions can wildly differ. So, without wanting to offend anyone, I thought I'd share just why I wont be bothering to put pen to paper with a birth plan again.
Looking back, I am sure some of the issues I had adjusting to life as a mum stemmed from the deep disappointment I felt at my labour straying so very far from what I'd aimed for. And there is no way I want to set myself up for that sort of distress again. I can't even let myself buy too much into the fact I am set down for a scheduled c- section, such is my distrust in things going to plan when it comes to pregnancy. Mother Nature, I've learned the hard way, tends to have other ideas and try as I might fight this truth, I know the only thing I can do is surrender to that fact and understand that what will be will be.
Quite simply the only semblance of a plan I have - other than that the Doctor please delivery my baby safely into my arms - is: THERE IS NO PLAN. And control freak that I might be, I am more than happy for this to be my mantra as I stare down the barrel at baby number two coming into this world. No expectations, no demands, no pressure on myself to meet any clearly specified goals, replacing all with trust in the medical team and hope in those watching down from on high: that the beautiful baby I have have been nurturing from within for the last 9 months comes to meet its very excited parents and big brother, healthily, safely and sound.