You see, I found myself visiting an Aged Care facility recently, my Nan’s 94 year old second husband’s final home. It is a paradox in every sense. Haunting and happiness appear to go hand in hand. The spaces are clean and bright, the staff are angels, but the old souls appear as if they’ve returned to their dressing room after a completed innings, and are but waiting out the final leg of the game.
A visitor will walk in, and one set of previously downcast eyes now begins to gleam. It’s like an intravenous shot of happiness and hope that can spring life instantly back into an aging step. But those others who remain their solo settle back into their little bubble of silence.
And I cannot imagine what it must feel like to be left alone with so many “if only’s” rattling around in my lonely head. It is enough to give this visitor a kick up the bum to live her goddamn life while she still has the energies and capacities to do so...
So this is written with the pure intention to be a personal reminder to myself. Don’t be left staring vacantly out through the polished glass window, weighed down by wondering a million what-might-have-beens. Don’t let that stench of death start to suffocate you until you can settle back into your years with a self satisfied smile and say “I lived a good life.”
Live the life you deserve, for it is never too late to be everything you always wanted to be. Yes, the clock's ticking, and no, time will not always be on your side. Take that first step away from that window and towards being everything you want to be.